The Forks Fairy Tale Collection
by Appy4la
Summary: Everyone mentioned in Twilight and some from New Moon get sucked into various fairy tales. 'Nuff said.
1. Intro

**Author's Note: Sorry! I didn't mean to start another fanfic! It just came to me and was like, "please write me". So I had to. But! I won't forget the other fanfics. Never fear that :D**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. People own the original fairy tales, but it's a bunch of people, I think, so I won't write them all down (that and well, I don't know their names. Heh heh.) Don't sue me, fairy tale writers! Please!**

**Title: THE FORKS FAIRY TALE COLLECTION **

Summary: Every character mentioned in Twilight gets sucked into a series of fairy tales. 'Nuff said.

**Rated: K It's all happy and safe for everyone :D**

**Spoilers: Well, a bit. I'm including some of the New Moon characters, though Bella doesn't know any of them (Aro, Jane, etc.) **

**Setting: After Twilight… before New Moon**

_**Prologue**_

A bunch of very confused people filled a white room. Everything was very white in the room - very creepy in an all white kind of way…

"What's going on?" Jasper asked, his voice breaking through the otherwise silent room. Suddenly the room was filled with babbling.

The hubbub continued as the Cullens held a conference in the midst of it all.

"How did this happen?" Asked Alice.

"More importantly: _what_ happened?" Edward added.

"Uh… what were you guys doing before this?" Carlisle asked.

"I was in the woods," Emmet started to explain, "Giving Nutty a new computer game I thought he might like and then I was here! Just like that!" Emmet snapped his fingers. "It wasn't me, I swear!"

"Uh huh… Anyone else?" Carlisle continues.

"Jasper and I were watching Dracula," Alice volunteered.

"This is extremely unusual," Esme mused, glancing around the room, "Why _these_ people? I only know some of them; some people I've seen around Forks… but many I don't recognize…"

The others scanned around the room, trying to find the connection.

Bella, who had been studying everyone during the 'conference', realized that everyone present was someone she knew, or vaguely recognized.

"Even the waitress…," Bella mumbled.

"What?" Edward asked Bella.

"Everyone I've met since I've moved here is in this room," Bella explained, "Even that waitress from the Italian restaurant…"

"Who?"

"You know! That night in Port Angeles? I had mushroom ravioli and two cokes? You gave me your jacket?" Bella tried refreshing his memory.

"Huh. You're good with details, Bella," Edward complimented, "Though I don't remember the waitress…"

Bella smiled.

"Eh Hem!" Jasper coughed, "Maybe we should find out what going on?"

"Capital idea!" Emmet beamed, "I bet there's a password that unlocks a secret door! Let's try!"

"Emmet. That's just weird," Jasper retorted.

"Nuh uh!" Emmet said, then bellowed at the crowd, "EVERYBODY! WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO FIND OUT THE PASSWORD! REMAIN CALM!"

The room went silent as everyone stared blankly.

Emmet ignored them and began password guesses, "Rainbow? Squirrel? Bananas are our friends? Oh Happy day? Sing, sing a song? Dumbledor is the coolest? Use the Force? Luke, I am your father? Capt. Jack last's name is Black… or was is Sparrow…?"

"Emmet!" Jasper interrupted, "Your passwords are so weird! Stop the insanity!"

And then it happened.

Millions of envelopes fluttered to the ground.

"You did, Jasper!" Emmet gave Jasper a giant hug. "You found the password!"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did! It was 'stop the insanity'!"

"Get off me!" Jasper said.

"Oh, right," Emmet stopped hugging Jasper and jumped up to catch an envelope.

He opened it and read the letter:

_Hello Emmet,_

_You, and the rest of the people mentioned in the book Twilight, have all been sucked into a fairy tale world. Well, you're not there yet, but you will be soon. All you have to do is say the right password. Once you are inside the fairy tales, you will receive your role. I suggest you go along with it as best as possible. It will make it easier for you to return to Forks faster. Have fun!_

"Whoah, that's twisted," Jasper said, finishing his own letter, which was identical to Emmet's, except with his own name.

"I think it's cool!" Emmet exclaimed.

"Yah, but why are we here? What's the point?" Rosalie asked.

"I dunno," Emmet pondered this for a moment, "Maybe it's just for fun."

Carlisle shrugged, "I suppose we have to act our way through the fairy tales. Wait a second… is that-"

"Carlisle!" Boomed a happy voice, "It's so good to see you! It's been centuries! Ha, ha, ha!"

"Aro!" Carlisle said happily and left the Cullens to go talk to his old (literally) friend.

"Aro?" Bella repeated.

"One of Carlisle's old friends… I told you about him that day you met my family," Edward explained.

"Oh, yeah," Bella remembered.

"Ok, let's start on working out this password then, shall we?" Alice suggested.

"OK!" Emmet shouted enthusiastic, soon caught up in a reeling off more wacky phrases and words, some that appeared to be in other languages.

"We're doomed," Jasper announced flatly.

"Nonsense!" Rosalie said in defense of Emmet, "He's getting close. I can feel it." She threw Emmet a look that said he's better prove her right.

Emmet gulped and threw out passwords even faster, reaching amazing speeds.

Bella watched this speed with amazement. "Vampires rock," She commented quietly.

"Password accepted," A robot like voice rang out.

"I did it!" Emmet shouted gleefully, "It was 'I'm actually a dwarf'!"

"I think it might have been Bella, actually," Edward said quietly, throwing worried glances around the room.

"Have fun in the Fairy Tales," the voice said. And then everybody vanished.

**Author's Note: Sorry about the shortness. Next will be longer, and I hope, funnier. By the way, I'm allowing anonymous reviews now. If you review, I'll tell you what the first fairy tale will be! And if you don't, that's fine too, 'cause I'll update soon anyway :D**


	2. Hansel and Gretel

**The Tale of Hansel and Gretel**

"What just happened?" Jasper asked. He was now standing in the middle of a forest. A forest he did not think he recognized. And he wasn't alone…

"More importantly, WHAT am I WEARING?" Shrieked Rosalie, who was indeed, wearing something she would have never worn under normal circumstances, but we must not forget, these were not normal circumstances, but fairy tale circumstances.

Rosalie was wearing a very old fashioned dress that modestly covered her ankles. Upon looking down at himself, Jasper discovered similar apparel on him. Well, not a dress, but same style of clothing.

"Where are we?"

"WHAT AM I WEARING?"

"We appear to be alone. Where are the others?"

"I just bought that outfit yesterday, and now it's replaced with… _this_?" Rosalie said, gesturing at her dress.

Jasper sent out a wave of calm.

"Fine, use your magic or whatever. I didn't really like that outfit anyways. I was planning on dumping it," Rosalie huffed.

Jasper smiled, "Thank you. Are you ready to help me figure out what's going on?"

"Yep, let's see… oh. What's this?" Rosalie pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket and read the three words on it.

_You are Gretel_

"Gretel," Rosalie read. "Gretel? How can I be Gretel? She was what? Five!"

"I guess that means I'm…," Jasper pulled the slip of paper out of his pocket and read it, "Hansel." He finished.

"So now what?" Rosalie asked, shredding her paper into a million pieces.

"I guess we go along with the story," Jasper shrugged, "Maybe we'll meet up with some of the others."

Rosalie shrugged also, "What've we got to lose?"

"Hey, there's a cabin," Jasper said, gesturing behind them.

"Let's go forth and see-eth our parents," Rosalie suggested wryly.

"You've been spending too much time with Emmet," Jasper observed. Rosalie gave him a 'no duh' look and flashed her wedding ring at him.

"Right…" Jasper mumbled, starting towards the house.

The entered the house, just in time to see a woman throw a vase across the room, where it smashed into a million pieces.

"Charlie! We have to get rid of the children! There is not enough food for them too," The woman screamed.

"Renee! Get rid of Bella?" Charlie said, aghast.

Renee paused, "Uh, no. I'm just saying my lines. This is Hansel and Gretel, right?"

"Oh, yah," Charlie agreed.

"So get rid of them!" Renee repeated.

"Who are 'them' exactly?" Charlie asked.

Renee paused again, then spotted Rosalie and Jasper, pointing an accusatory finger at them. "Them! Lose them in the forest!"

Jasper looked shocked, "What've we ever done to you!"

Renee smiled at him. "I'm just trying to play my part. I'm sure you are a nice kids, whoever you are. Get rid of them!"

Jasper and Rosalie looked at Charlie, awaiting his decision.

"Hey, I don't even know you two, hardly. Here's a loaf of bread though," Charlie handed them a suspiciously ready basket filled with a loaf of bread and ushered them outside.

And then Jasper and Rosalie were outside. They listened at the door for a moment.

"Wow, you're cold, Renee."

"Charlie! It was ACTING!"

"…"

Rosalie and Jasper shrugged and headed down the trail.

"We don't seem to be getting anywhere," Rosalie complained after twenty minutes.

"I think we should leave a trail of bread crumbs," Jasper stated, pointing a basket full of bread dangling from Rosalie's arm.

"Whatever for? That is the most stupidest thing! The crows will eat it right away. I know how this kind of story goes," Rosalie said smugly.

"Uh, the crows are the least of our worries…," Jasper said ominously.

"Huh?"

"Look," Jasper pointed behind them.

"Are those… no! …It couldn't be…right?" Rosalie looked at the hundred pairs of beady red eyes staring at them.

"Emmet's vampire squirrels," Jasper clarified in an awed voice.

Jasper and Rosalie exchanged glances and threw the whole loaf at the squirrels.

They stayed just long enough to see hundreds of squirrels jump out of the trees before they turned and ran.

…………………………….

Jasper and Rosalie continued running through the forest, hoping to put good distance between them in the squirrels and also hoping that, before long, they would run into someone.

And then they saw it. The candy house.

And they walked right past it.

A voice boomed from the sky, "Eh hem! I am the narrator," a voice announced, sounding vaguely familiar.

"Despite your inability to eat, you are supposed to the candy house," The voice continued and now Rosalie and Jasper recognized it. Carlisle.

"Carlisle!" Rosalie shouted, "What's going on?"

"And so," the narrator went on, ignoring the question, "Hansel and Gretel stopped to eat the candy house, for at this point, they were very hungry."

"Actually," Jasper said lightly, "I'm good at the moment, thanks for offering."

"EAT THE HOUSE," The voice instructed firmly.

"This is too weird," Rosalie said, backtracking to the house.

"Famous last words," Jasper grumbled, following her.

"We could just destroy the house…" Rosalie suggested, and evil grin breaking over her face.

Jasper shrugged, "Beats eating it."

Rosalie reached out and pulled a candy cane and threw it off into the trees. A large rustling sound caused Jasper and Rosalie to look back into the woods.

The squirrels were back.

"Quick!" Rosalie yelled, "Throw candy to appease them!"

And so they did, ripping off large chunks of candy and throwing them at the squirrels, who were now eagerly waiting on the forest's edge.

"Ha, ha! Got one on the head," laughed Jasper.

"Don't eat my house!" Yelled another familiar voice from the interior of the house.

"We weren't," was Rosalie's prompt reply.

"Bella?" Jasper asked, astonished.

The voice changed. "Actually, it's me! I learned to imitate different voices! Isn't it wonderful?"

"Esme?" Jasper asked again.

"None of above," Said a deep voice, this time directly behind them. How could a non-vampire sneak up on them? Unless… it wasn't a non-vampire…

"James!" Rosalie gasped.

"I thought we'd killed you!" Jasper exclaimed.

The menacing look dropped from James's face instantly, replaced with genuine confusion.

"I thought you did too…," he mused, then brightened, "But I'm alive now! VWHAHAHA!"

"Oh, groan," Rosalie said in a tired voice.

"What?" James asked, indignant.

"You're the wicked witch, man. That's kinda freaky, you know," Jasper pointed out.

"Ah, but that does not matter in the big picture," James assured them, "For now, I will hold you both captive until Edward and Bella arrive!"

"I hate to break it to you," Rosalie said, "But those two don't appear to be in this story. And there's no way you're taking me captive."

James tried to rethink his plans, while hiding his disappointment, when _another_ voice broke in.

"JAMES! YOU'RE ALIVE!"

They turned to see Victoria running out of the house.

"You've been playing with those recording things again, haven't you! They're strewn all over the place inside. Won't you ever learn to pick up!" Victoria chided a humbled looking James.

"Who are you supposed to be in this story?" Rosalie asked.

Victoria turned to glare at her, "I'm James's assistant, of course."

"The wicked witch didn't have an assistant," Jasper informed her.

"He does now!"

"Ok, fine. No need to be all grumpy about it," Jasper said.

Victoria shrugged.

"What now?" Rosalie asked.

"I think… we need to shove James into the oven. Not sure about Victoria though. There was no assistant in the story," Jasper said.

"WAS SO!" Screamed Victoria, then she added sulkily, "They just didn't mention her in the story."

"Can we please not forget me?" James broke in. "No one lets me speak anymore!"

"Are those… vampire squirrels! What wonderful little minions they'd make!" Victoria ran off to the forest to investigate.

"Uh oh," James muttered as Jasper and Rosalie began closing ranks.

"Uh, Victoria? Um, a little help? Maybe… possibly…?"

The two golden eyed vampires enthusiastically each grabbed one of James's arms and dragged him inside the house and shoved him inside the pre heated, blazing oven.

"All done!" Jasper called, possibly speaking to the narrator, "We've finished the story now! Can we go home now?"

All of a sudden, the side of the oven burst open and James leapt to his feet, clothes slightly singed.

"That didn't happen in the original," Rosalie commented nonchalantly.

"But was the ordinal witch actually a vampire?"

"Good point… Now what?"

"Quit asking that Rosalie! I don't know any more than you do about it!"

"Are you just going to IGNORE ME?" James wailed, "I mean, seriously, you just shoved me into an oven, for goodness's sake. AND ate my house. AND killed me once before in the past. I feel so… alone. It's almost enough to make me reform."

"You will?" Jasper asked, happy he might have done a good deed for the day, as Esme was always encouraging them to do.

"Uh, the key word there was 'almost'," James informed him.

"Bummer," Rosalie said, and continued in a way one would when talking about the weather, "I suppose we'll just have to kill you again."

But, they were interrupted by a shout outside.

"THE SQUIRRELS DON'T WANT TO BE MINIONS! THEY'RE REBELLING! RUN FOR THE HILLS!"

"Oh dear," Jasper said to James, not sounding at all concerned, "You are in a spot of trouble aren't you."

"You are too!" James said.

"Not really, we happen to know these squirrels," Rosalie said, wondering at the fact that the afore mentioned turned out to actually be a good thing.

"Oh dear," James sighed.

"I suppose…" Jasper started.

"Suppose what?" James asked frantically, for it sounded like the squirrels would be soon in coming.

"We would help…if."

"If what!"

"If you leave Bella alone and start learning The Ways of Carlisle," Jasper instructed.

"He'll teach me his ways?" Jasper asked.

"No, of course not. He's much too busy. You can read his book."

"He wrote a book?"

"What else did he have to do when he wasn't working hospital before Edward?"

"Ok! I'll do it! Help ME!" James's pleaded.

"Ok…" Rosalie walked outside to where the squirrels were following Victoria around the yard. "Give them your shiny necklace!"

Without hesitating, Victoria took it off and threw it at them, almost knocking one out in the process.

"They're still WATCHING ME!" Victoria screamed.

Rosalie sighed and started throwing candy pieces of the house at the squirrels.

And soon James and Jasper joined. Victoria also joined in when the squirrels started eating.

And then the four vampires snuck away. And the squirrels ate the whole house, oven and all.

And the narrator, apparently deciding they'd done enough damage to this fairy tale, sent them away. Possibly into another.

**Author's Note: Vampire squirrels… so fun. They won't be in the next chapter though. If anyone ever gets tired of the little rodents, let me know :D**

**And for all those people going "WHERE WAS EDWARD AND BELLA!" Never fear. Most of the next chapters will have those two included. **

**One last thing: If you have a well known fairy tale you'd like to see here, please let me know. I love suggestions! **

**Coming Soon…**

**Chapter 3**

**Have you ever read a tale of Rumplestilskin where…**

**The miller actually _plans_ on his daughter getting her head chopped off?**

**Rumplestilskin and the King end up in a very intense sword fight?**

**Tune in next time.**


	3. Rumplestilskin

**Author's Note: I know vampires cannot blush or pale, but temporarily in this chapter, they can. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight still belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Not me. And the Rumplestilskin in this story is based off the one in Vivian Vande Velde's _Straw into Gold _(I _think_ that's what it's called anyway…)**

Rumplestilskin

_Like you've never heard it before…_

Pause

Scene : a non poor miller and his daughter are inside their humble home. The milller's daughter, who is of yet unnamed, is in the middle of pulling a loaf of bread out of the oven with a paddle. The miller himself is just entering the house.

Play

"Daughter!" The miller exclaimed happily upon seeing his daughter.

"Father-" The miller's daughter started to greet him, turning around. She abruptly stopped when she saw exactly who her father was and instead let out a bloodcurdling shriek.

The miller clapped his hands over his ears. "Ah! It's _you_, Bella!"

Bella lifted her wooden paddle and proceeded to whack her 'father' over the head. "How DARE you come back from the dead to act in an innocent fairy tale! You're supposed to be dead! You…you… VILLAIN!"

"Villain!" Repeated James, appalled, not seeming to realize the paddle was hitting him.

"Yes! Villain!"

_Crack!_

"Now see here," James chided, "Now we have no bread paddle."

Bella glared. "I'm running away," She announced.

"I'm sure you are," James said, "No doubt to go find your Edward."

Bella brightened. "Do you think he's here?"

James waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, "Don't know, don't really care."

They were broken out of their argument by a loud voice calling from the village, "Hear ye! Hear ye! The King has arrived in your petty little village for a visit."

Bella didn't hesitate at the excuse to leave the James inhabited house and ran outside.

James followed leisurely, thinking. His black thoughts were something along the lines of this, _Hmm… I tell Kingy man that Bella can spin straw into gold. King gives it a go. Bella fails, obviously. No one can spin straw into gold. King is mad. King chops off Bella's head. Oh my. Now I don't have to break my promise to Rosalie and Jasper! Kingy man will do it for me!_

James strolled into the village, grinning.

"Hello sire," James greeted courteously.

"How DARE you speak without being called upon?" Boomed the announcer.

James realized he seemed to being doing a lot of thing lately that he shouldn't have 'dare' done.

"My apologies," James apologized.

"Pipe down, young squire Eric," Said the voice from the carriage, "I will speak with this… person…"

James gulped. They knew!

Then the king stepped out.

Eric announced him, "Presenting King EMMET!"

Emmet stepped down out of the carriage, looking thoroughly pleased at his role in the latest fairy tale.

"James," Emmet spat, upon seeing him, "Why are YOU here? Why aren't you dead?"

James sighed heavily, "Will anyone ever forget that miniscule detail?"

"What do you want, James?" Emmet asked, ignoring what he dearly hoped was a rhetorical question.

James grinned, his evil plan returning, "My daughter-"

"Thou has a daughter?" Emmet wrinkled his nose.

James frowned, "In the story. Anyhow, she can spin straw into gold!"

Emmet cocked his head, considering this. _I know this story… hehe… I get to run around threatening people… all in good fun of course… but why would I want gold… I don't… instead, I want…_

"Cotton candy!" Emmet exclaimed.

"Beg pardon?" James asked, nonplussed.

"I don't want straw into gold! I want straw into cotton candy! Your daughter. Can she do this?"

James grinned again evilly, for that would be even harder.

"Why are you always grinning evilly, James?" Emmet asked.

"I'm… not?"

"You are too!"

"I am not!"

"ARE SO!"

"ARE NOT!"

"You TOTALLY ARE!"

"Was TOTALLY NOT!"

"NO YELLING AT KING EMMET!" Boomed Eric at such an amazing volume, they both fell silent instantly.

"Apologies," James said.

"You've said that twice now. You're quite repetitive, James," Emmet observed.

"I am- oh never mind. Yes, your majesty, she can also spin straw into cotton candy," James said.

"Oh how terrifically jolly!" Emmet beamed, "Bring her to the castle at once! You can come too, but you can't go past the moat."

James looked crestfallen, but went to go find Bella. It wasn't hard, because he _was_ a tracker after all. Then he pulled her back to the carriage.

"Bella? You're the daughter?" Emmet asked when they were within hearing range.

"I guess so," Bella mumbled, shooting daggers at James.

"Oh. Very well. Get into the carriage."

"Ha, ha. Let me guess. I'm supposed to spin straw into gold," Bella laughed.

Emmet looked at her as if she were crazy. "No! Of course not! You shall spin gold into cotton candy!"

"What?"

"I thought she was going to spin _straw_ into cotton candy?" James asked.

"Meh. Me too," Emmet admitted, "but this is just so much more interesting."

James shrugged, while Bella got into the carriage, looking incredulous.

. . . . . . At the castle : entrance hall . . . . .

"Ok, here are the rules for the game," Emmet said when Bella was in the castle, "You have the night to spin gold into cotton candy. No one will interrupt you. You do so and I will give you… a gold coin. You do not do so, and… your head will be chopped off! MWHAHAHAHAHA!"

At this point, Emmet started laughing so hysterically, that he had to be led away, leaving a maid to escort Bella to her room.

Bella looked more closely at the maid only to discover…

"Esme!"

"Yes, I'm in this fairy tale. I have a rather pathetic role though, I must say. I was hoping for something more of a challenge," Esme explained.

"I see," Bella said, "Can you tell me why Emmet was so eager to have my head chopped off?"

"Don't be silly, dear. It's all fun and games. Emmet would never do that!" Esme laughed, then muttered under her breath, "not while I still work as an undercover guard in his castle".

"He's just really into his role, you see," Esme continued to explain, "You must understand, this is his element! With all these "thou's" and "thee's" and whatnot."

Bella nodded understandingly.

"Here's your stop, Bella," Esme said, gesturing to a door, "I do hope it's suitable for you. I prepared a little something for you to eat inside."

Bella thanked her and entered the room, ready to find the answer to what she was going to do about the predicament at hand (Esme had assured Emmet wouldn't off her, but…). What Bella found was a feast.

Yes, a large feast was laid out in the center of the bedroom on a table. The food looked dangerously close to falling off the table. Filling every other space, besides a clear spot around a chair and spindle, was piled with gold.

Bella sighed. It was hopeless.

Then she heard a strange cackling coming outside. She hurried to her window and looked down. Bella turned out to be on a rather tall tower, eight stories high.

Despite that, she could still make out the form of a certain evil vampire laughing at his being able to get past the moat.

Bella was bored and had nothing else to do, so she grabbed a pie from the table, went back to the window, aimed, and dropped it.

"Ack!" The shout from the ground reached Bella's ears. She giggled in delight as pie cream made contact with James's head.

She grabbed another and dropped it.

"WHY IS IT RAINING DESSERTS!" James wailed.

Bella grabbed more and dropped them, giggling uncontrollably.

"Excuse me," The voice came from right behind her.

Startled, Bella dropped another pie without aiming.

She whirled around to see Edward. Except Edward was slightly shorter.

"Edward?"

"Bella!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm… I'm… I'm…"

"Edward? Are you ok? Who are you playing?"

"Rumplestilskin!" He blurted out really fast.

"I see…" Bella said, "I'm the miller's daughter."

"So, did you see Charlie again then?" Edward asked.

Bella made a face, "I wish! James is my dad! That is wrong on so many levels!"

"Did he hurt you?" Edward asked anxiously.

"No. Only my eyes."

"Hmm, I see. I think I supposed to help you turn straw into gold now," Edward started, then examined the gold around them, "Hey! Is there some other Rumplestilskin I don't know about it? My jobs already done here!"

"Uh, no. Actually, the king wanted gold into cotton candy," Bella explained.

"Huh," Mused Edward, "Extremely unusual, but not undo-able."

"What are you going to do, Edward?"

"You'll see…," he said cryptically and left the room. How? Through a secret door behind a tapestry that not even the king knew about. Why couldn't Bella escape through it? Well, err, because there's magic on it! Only vampires can go through. Vwhaha!

Bella soon became bored and fell asleep. She woke an hour before dawn to find a room full of cotton candy and the gold gone.

"Wow!" she exclaimed and gave a smug looking Edward a hug.

"How did you do it, Edward?"

"Well," Edward said, "Let's just say Emmet's secret horde of cotton candy is a tad lighter now."

"Oh, ok-Wait! Emmet has a secret stash of cotton candy!"

"Uh huh," Edward confirmed.

"But, why? He can't eat?" Bella asked, puzzled.

"Eh. Who can fathom what goes on in Emmett's mind?"

Bella nodded. This was so true.

They talked for an hour, until a knock came at the door.

"Oh, Bella! Have you finished?" Emmet called jovially.

Edward smiled at her and scaled the wall, ending up waiting on the ceiling, reminding Bella of Spider Man.

"All done!" Bella called back.

"Oh how Jolly!" Emmett said, and unlocked the door. He entered and beamed, "You did it, Bella!" Bella nodded.

"You shall do it again tonight! And if you do, I shall give you a gold coin. If you do not… I WILL CHOP OFF YOUR HEAD!"

Edward dropped from his position on the ceiling, landing directly in front of Emmet.

Emmet let out an un-kingly squeak.

"You shan't chop off her head!" Edward boomed.

"Shall so!" Emmet boomed right back.

Edward glared, then whipped a long sword away from his belt and pointed it at Emmet. "You shan't chop off her head."

"Shall so!" Emmett whipped out his own sword. The two began to duel furiously, while Bella watched on, rather bored.

"How's it going-WHOA!" James yelped as a blow nearly conked him on the head. He withdrew quickly.

"Children, children. Violence isn't the answer," Esme chided at the door.

"Emmet; this is just wrong! You know how this fairy tale ends, don't you?" Edward yelled, taking a stab at Emmett.

Emmet dropped his angry face and blushed. "Uh, actually, this fairy tale was boring me… so I never finished."

"Well, tomorrow, instead of offering her a gold coin, you're going to offer to marry her!"

Emmet paled dramatically. "No…" He whispered, "Rosalie would kill me… Edward would kill me… I'd be twice dead! I can't go through with this!"

Edward smiled. "At least we agree on something!" Then he picked up Bella, a sack that was lying on the floor and jumped out the window and began to run off into the sunset.

"That was extremely weird," Bella commented.

"Ah, but we're richer for it!" Edward laughed, and showed her inside the sack, which was full of the gold that was supposed to have been turned into cotton candy.

And so, Rumplestilskin and the Miller's daughter ran away together and lived happily ever after… till the next tale begins anyway.

**Author's Note: Sweet! This chapter turned out 12 pages long. :D**

**Hope you all enjoyed! Thank you all very much for those who reviewed the last chapter!**

_Extra Scene for those who bothered to read the author's note:_

"Was that supposed to happen?" Esme asked from the door.

"I'm free!" Emmet yelled and dived into the pile of cotton candy.

"No, it wasn't," griped the voice of the narrator.


	4. The Vast Mistunderstanding or Rapunzel

Author's Note: hello! Long time, no update! (bad Appy4la, bad :smacks hand:) Well, here's an update I hope you all enjoy. I've wanted to try something, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I'm going to write LunaTears (FYI, my beta reader and sister) into the story! MWHAHAHA : insert more evil cackles here. and some thunder and lighting:

Rapunzel or The VAST misunderstanding

Mike Newton chuckled to himself he rode along on his donkey. "Why?" You are all probably wondering. I'll tell you why. It's because he had suddenly found himself cast as Prince Charming. He had known instinctively that it was his duty to go save the princess from the tall tower. Mike was also pretty sure that princess was Bella. Tsk, tsk. So ignorant; because, meanwhile…

……..

_Crash!_

"This is INSANE!"

_Crack!_

"TWISTED!"

_Smash!_

"Mad old TOAD!"

_Bang!_

"I'M RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO THROW!"

_Boom!_

"Hmm, maybe the dynamite was a tad excessive. Why was that here anyway?" Rosalie mused as she paced the tower's high placed room. "Why am I freakin' Rapunzel?!" She screamed suddenly and threw some more things.

And then, she stopped, because after throwing the furniture out the window, there really was nothing left in the room.

True to what she said, her hair was considerably longer, henceforth, undoubtedly Rapunzel.

Rosalie's eyes fell on a set of drawers across the room. Ah yes, something else to throw. Before she threw it, she looked inside, just in case. In the drawers, she found a copy of Harry Potter collection.

"Suh-weet," Rosalie said and sat down to read…

So, while Rosalie read, and Mike rode his donkey towards the tower, Emmet was in Limbo land, doing, well, limbo.

He was, sadly, by himself, but the all white room had provided him with a white stick that mysteriously floated at the right height and some music.

Just as he was about to win (don't ask me how he could win when he was by himself; it's Emmet we're talking about here) a girl appeared.

"Who are you?" Emmet gasped straightening.

"I'm uh… LunaTears," The girl volunteered.

"Huh," Emmet mused, "Interesting name… Nice to meet you! I'm-"

"Emmet, I know," LunaTears said. She flashed him a grin.

"Should I be worried you know that?" Emmet asked. "And even more importantly: WHY DO YOU HAVE FANGS?!"

"Nope, and, just cause, in respective order of course," LunaTears assured him, "I know lots of things," She added cryptically.

Emmet looked interested. "Like what? Do you know where the others are?"

"Yes, actually," LunaTears said nonchalantly. "I have the power to know that and to transport people."

"Cool. Are you the person who assigns roles?" Emmet asked.

"Uh, no. Those are randomly chosen," LunaTears explained.

"I see," Emmet said, "This is a rather weird parallel world, isn't it?"

LunaTears nodded.

"So, will you tell me where they are?"

LunaTears looked up sharply, "Oh, uh, yeah! Rosalie is Rapunzel and Mike Newton is the Prince! Isn't it awful?"

Emmet gasped. "It sure is!"

"Want to be transported?" LunaTears asked.

Emmet nodded and LunaTears pointed her finger at Emmet and he vanished…

………..

"Edward, what're you doing?" LunaTears appeared right behind Edward, where he was in a room listening to music; more specifically Evanescence's Imaginary.

He looked around at her. "Who are you?"

LunaTears sighed and gave him the explanation.

"I see," He tilted his head, still puzzling over the fangs, "then why are you here?"

"Because," LunaTears explained, "I thought you might want to know that Mike says Bella is Rapunzel and he's the prince!"

Edward went rigid. "Transport me please. Now."

LunaTears nodded and pointed her finger at Edward. _Poof! _He disappeared in a cloud of black smoke. She giggled. "That never gets old!"

……….

"Bella! Bella!" LunaTears called, appearing behind Bella, who was, strangely enough, listening to the exact same song Edward had been listening to.

Bella jumped and turned around, "What!?"

LunaTears sighed and gave her explanation of herself, this time covering her fangs with her hand to avoid confusion for the moment. She added to the explanation, "Edward's gone to save you because he thinks that you're Rapunzel and Mike is Prince Charming!"

"Ew, who's really Rapunzel?" Bella asked.

"Rosalie!"

"Oh. I suppose I'd best go help sort things out, if you could transport me," Bella said.

"Of course!" LunaTears agreed readily and transported Bella to the tale…

"Wait! Why are you covering your mouth?" Bella asked, but she was already gone.

………….

Mike had finally reached the castle. He dismounted his donkey and looked up the tower. "Um, how does this go?" Mike thought for a minute. "Oh yeah! Ra-"

Mike was unable to finish his call up the tower, for suddenly a blur sped around him and the next thing he knew, he was bound with a rope to the tower.

"Hey! What the?" Mike yelped outraged.

"For your own good, Mike," Emmet said, cheerily enough. "Now, I get to go help Rosalie get down from that dreadful tower."

"It's not Rosalie up there, it's-" Mike started.

"Bella," Finished a voice from behind Emmet.

"What're you doing here, Edward?" Emmet asked.

"Some girl, LunaTears, I think she said her name was, told me it's Bella up there," Edward said. He paused a moment, then added, "Actually, she said that Mike _thought_ it was Bella up there!"

This theory was proved by a voice calling, "What's up, Edward? Rosalie down from the tower yet?"

"Bella," Edward greeted and ran over.

"Bella?" Mike repeated dumfounded.

"Bella!" Cackled a new voice. They all whirled around to see….

"Jessica!" Bella gasped.

"Emmet!" Emmet added, just because he felt left out.

Everyone paused to stare at him. Emmet shrugged and they all turned back to Jessica.

"What are you doing here!?" Bella exclaimed.

"I'm the evil witch who locked Rapunzel in the tower! Fear me!" Jessica threw back her head and cackled again.

"But… you're my friend… and you're not evil!" Bella protested.

Jessica wilted slightly. "I know…. But… do you know how long I've waited-"

"For revenge?" Emmet asked.

Jessica frowned. "You guys sure interrupt a lot, don't you. No. What I was going to say is: Do you know how long I've wait… to play the witches role!? Forever! Now I have it. So, I'm happy."

Everyone nodded agreeable, except Mike, who was still tied to the tower.

"Save me!" He squeaked.

"Ack! Who tied up Mike?" Jessica demanded, starting towards him.

"No!" Bella stood in front of her. Jessica stared at her and so Bella explained, "I think he's better off there." And then the arguing began, from everyone.

"Let me untie him!"

"How do we get Rosalie out of the tower?"

"I'll climb it, I shall! Without rope or hair!"

"Get out of the way!"

"Help me!"

"Someone gag him!"

"Move!"

"He's annoying!"

"Bella! I never knew you felt that way."

"Sigh."

"Let's go help Rosalie before she gets mad!"

"Too late."

They all whirled once again at a new voice. Rosalie's. And she was on the ground, looking livid.

"Oh. Uh, hi, Rosalie," Emmet said nervously, "How's the weather up there?"

"Why did no one come?!" Rosalie demanded.

"I was _trying _to," Mike explained, "But _someone_ tied me up!"

Rosalie shot him a disgusted glance, then looked at Emmet again. "I thought Emmet was the prince and was waiting for him to come along. Only because I thought the story would only end if you followed it, because, I am so perfectly capable of saving myself, thank you very much."

Emmet asked her a question. "How did you get down?"

Rosalie sighed and mouthed the word 'vampire'.

Emmet and Bella : "Oooooooohhhhh,"

Mike and Jessica : "huh?"

**Author's Note: Like it? Hate it? Hope it made you laugh:D**

**Note to reviewers:**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! They're great! **

Cast of Characters:

Rosalie – Rapunzel

Mike – Prince Charming

Jessica – Evil Witch

LunaTears – As Herself

Random Uninvited People:

Edward

Emmet

Bella


	5. Snow White and the Disfunctional Dwarves

Author's Note: I am really REALLY sorry for the long wait. For a more about my absensce, please see my News on my profile. This chapter is dedicated to everyone of you who has reveiwed my stories, faved them, or faved me as an author. You are awsome. I seriously would not be able to keep these stories up without you. Thankyou so much. I hope you enjoy this. I'll try to get part 2 of this chapter up soon, and expect an update on my slumber party fic as well. Thankyou for your patience!!

Chapter 5 – Snow White and the Seven Dysfunctional Dwarves

Part 1

"BWHAHAHAHAHAAAA! MWHAHAHAHAHAAA!! VHWAHAHAHAHA!! And all those other evil cackes," Rosalie cried. Her laughter rang out across the kingdom, which was the first thing that tipped Bella off to the fact she might be in trouble. The other thing was Laurent stalking her through the woods with a giant ax.

"Laurent!" Bella called.

Laurent leaped dramatically out of the bushes, ax raised. When Bella didn't scream, he lowered it with a scowl.

"….Interesting seeing you here," Bella said, eyeing the ax wearily.

"Yeah," Laurent agreed, looking over his weapon, seemingly not satisfied with it's sharpness.

"Do you know what chaotic fairy tale we're in now?" Bella asked, walking ahead, trying to ignore the laughs she could still hear echoing from the castle not too far away. "All I know is that suddenly I was here, walking away from the castle."

"Snow White," Laurent told her.

"Really?" Bella raised an eyebrow. "This should be interesting."

"Uh huh," Laurent said, lifting the ax. "Remember, the queen gave me a job."

"Oh yeah. To off me," Bella said nervously, "But remember! The axe-man let her get away!"

"Yeah… but this isn't really the _actual _fairy tale," He said in a scary kind of way. "It can go a different way."

"I see…," Bella mused on this, "HEY! LOOK! IT'S JAMES!"

And, sure enough, suddenly James shot right past them, being chased by none other than Aro.

A stunned silence followed, broken by a long low whistle from Laurent.

"Holy tree frogs," He said, conveying both their shock.

"I don't understand how that fits in with the story," Bella said skeptically.

Laurent sighed. "Neither do I, but I better go help him."

"You do that," Bella agreed.

"Dangit," Laurent swore. His grip tightened on the blade, but instead of cutting open up his hand, he crushed the blade. "Oh, BLAST!"

Bella chuckled.

Laurent shot her a dirty glance and looked ready to shove the axe in his mouth when James and Aro shot past again.

Laurent sighed and started to leave but then whirled around. "I'll be back!"

"I have no doubt about it," Bella said boredly, rolling her eyes.

Laurent made a frustrated noise and ran after Aro and James.

"That was very strange. What role do Aro and James have?" Bella pondered.

Laurent's head suddenly popped in to view once more. "This is the part where you start freakin' out and screaming and running all over the place," He whispered in a hushed conspiratorial tone, making Bella wondering how many times Laurent had seen the movie. Hey, you never know, maybe ol' Walt Disney really stole the story from Laurent. Stranger things had happened… Well, okay, maybe not so much, but you had to admit there was possibility.

"Uh, right," Bella said to Laurent, pushing aside her thoughts that he might possibly be the writer behind Disney's stories to concentrate on getting through this story alive.

"Ahh," Bella said flatly, almost monotone. "The terror. Oh, please. Is there not some charming prince to save me. The horror, the horror. Ahhhhh."

Laurent sighed. "It lacks something, and the prince doesn't come till later."

But duty called Laurent away (James: "Laurent! Get your butt OVER HERE NOW!), so Bella was left alone to improve her acting skills. She continued her 'screaming' every few steps, but opted out of running, as she was sure she would end up tripping. Alas, with so many tree roots popping out of the ground so randomly, it was inevitable that she would trip anyway, and trip she did, right into a conveniently placed clearing.

"Now start singing to coax out the little forest animals." Laurent's head appeared, then vanished once more.

"La la la?" Bella sang, almost questioningly.

It worked. Too well. Squirrels with beady little red eyes swarmed out of the trees, all staring pointedly at her. They began to bare their teeth evilly.

"Um… help?" Bella squeaked, more convincingly than before.

Laurent returned once more. "They like singing!" Then he yelped as one squirrel leapt high in the air in an attempt to take off his nose. He decided helping James would be safer and left.

"lalalalalala," Bella sang. The squirrels visibly calmed. "Do you like singing?" She spoke this too as if it had a tune.

Then, as a great wave, bowed to her, accepting her as their leader.

"Can you help me?" She sang.

The squirrels nodded. In unison. If you're not thinking that totally creepy, you have not seen a herd (pack? Flock? Cult?) of rabid vampire squirrels nodding in unison.

"I need you to take me to a safe place!" Bella continued to sing, doubting very much that this could possibly even have a chance of working. But as usually happens in weird and random tales, it did.

The squirrels started chattering excitedly and began to lead her somewhere.

For a long time. And as they walked, the squirrels put garlands of flowers around her neck and in her hair.

But anyway, she kept walking until suddenly (and totally shockingly, I know) she saw a cabin.

"Oh great," Bella said sarcastically. "Now I get to meet a bunch of dwarves."

The squirrels looked at her questioningly.

"Thank you, squirrels," She sang.

They continued to stare expectantly.

"Err, that will be all." They dispersed.

With a long suffering sigh, she entered the cabin, which was actually mansion size. The interior looked like it belonged to someone very wealthy and was spotless.

"Huh. That's interesting." Bella surveyed the area before calling out. "Hello! ANYONE HOME! HELLLLLLOOOOooO!"

"Quiet down, no need to yell," A very familiar voice said.

"Carlisle!?" Bella gasped as Carlisle walked into the light of the giant chandelier.

"Yes, it's me," Carlisle agreed.

"You're a dwarf?" Bella choked.

"Uh…," Carlisle looked down at himself. "Though I don't appear to take on the appearance of one, I believe I am filling the role of 'Doc', which, I may add, is a rather uncouth abbreviation of the word doctor."

Bella tried to keep from laughing at the idea of Carlisle being Doc, since he apparently wasn't very keen on the idea himself.

"I'm very sorry," She said politely.

"It's quite all right," he sighed. "I assume your Snow White?"

She was about to reply with an affirmative when another voice interrupted.

"You know what assuming does!" The new voice called cheerfully from somewhere upstairs.

"No way," Bella gasped.

"Yes way!" Jessica slid down the long stair rail, landing at the bottom with a flourish. "Isn't this just awesome, Bella? Can you believe we're acting out fairy tales? This makes absolutely _no sense_ at all, but it is _so_ fun! And check out these far out costumes! Wow, yours is pretty awesome too! This is so cool we get to be in a fairy tale together. You must be Snow White! You couldn't be a dwarf too, cause all the positions are already-"

"This is Chatty," Carlisle introduced Jessica with a polite but tired smile, that indicated this had been going on for a while.

"Ah, I see," Bella agreed. Jessica smiled, not bothered by her name.

"So who is everyone else? Do they all have nontraditional names or is that just Jessica?" Bella asked.

"Uh, no actually," Carlisle said, before Jessica, who had started to open her mouth, could. "The only different ones are Sorry and Snarky. I don't know how we knew about the changes actually… we just _knew_."

"Hmm, strange," Bella commented. "So who are Sorry and Snarky?" Bella asked, though she had a ominous feeling.

"Sorry! Snarky! Bella- I mean Snow White is here!" Jessica, err, Chatty, called up the stairs.

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Someone ran towards the stairs, in their haste, tripping down them. Luckily, a vampire/doctor was present, and was able to prevent him from breaking his neck at the bottom.

Jessica snorted impatiently. "No, not _Bella_. She's _Snow White_ now."

"Snow White! I'm sorry!"

Bella gaped. How could this get any weirder. "_Tyler?"_

"Hahahaha!" A laugh boomed. Suddenly Emmett was standing next to Bella. "Does it really surprise you?"

"And who are you?" Bella asked, sounding not sure she really wanted to know.

"Why, I'm Happy, of course," Emmett answered, sounding indeed very happy.

"Ah. Now that one doesn't surprise me," Bella said, and Emmett beamed.

Emmett surveyed the mini crowd surrounding them, pointing as he counted. "Rawr. We're missing Grumpy, Snarky and Bashful. How can this be THE PERFECT DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY without them?!"

Carlisle coughed, which Bella found suspicious, since what reason had a vampire to cough, unless Carlisle had been a little over eager with all the apples in the story.

"Why don't you go and get them?" Carlisle suggested, trying to keep his face straight.

Emmett disappeared, reappearing moments later with none other than Eric being prodded along in front of him and Jasper and Lauren being tugged along (gently, of course) by the ears. "Come on, all! Time to meet the princess."

"I wanted to be the bloody princess," Lauren said, looking venomously at Bella.

"Snarky?" Bella guessed.

Emmett grinned. "Spot on."

Eric said nothing but blushed. Bella didn't even have to ask to identify him as Bashful.

Jasper broke free of Emmett at last with a snarl. Emmett grinned and pointed at Jasper. "See? It's Grumpy!"

"What the hell?!" Jasper exclaimed. "I keep telling you: I AM NOT GRUMPY!!"

"Are you talking about your mood or the character?" Emmett asked, innocently curious.

"Both!"

Emmett's eyes became saucer wide with Bambi like innocence. "But you're wrong on both accounts."

Jasper then made a sound that come out somewhat like: "ARRRRGGGGGSSSSRRRCCCHHHHHHTTTTHEMMMMETTT!" And proceed to chase Emmett from the room.

"Riiiiiiight," Bella slapped her palm against her forehead and whispered, "Prince Charming, please save me from the dwarves!"

Carlisle patted her shoulder.


End file.
